North Carolina Outerbanks

I used to think this whole idea of a “mid-life crisis” was a big joke, a kind of excuse to get forgiveness for random odd behavior.  So when I decided to try my hand at a personal blog, I thought “what a better title could there be?”  It’s My Mid-Life Crisis.   But man, talk about life imitating art!  I have become keenly aware of lots of changes going on in my head.  Not necessarily changes going on in my world around me, but changes in my perception and interpretation of them.  And thus defines the “My” in “It’s My Mid-Life Crisis.

 

So I’m a 60’s kid.  I’ve got kids in their twenties, out of the house, living their own lives.  I’ve been married longer than not, been living with my wife longer than with my parents.  On my birthday this year I will pass into the realm of “upper” forties.  But for the life of me I cannot accept this reality.  I refuse to grow up or grow old.  I refuse to fall into some normative middle-aged mold.  A count of years is nothing more than an accumulation of days, which is an accounting of moments in time.  You can’t live at any time except for the moment that you are in.  I choose to live in the moment; to be present; to be here, now.

 

Does this mean I lack or give up responsibility?  No, I have a home, cars, bills, blah, blah, blah.  I manage my daily life and the needs of my family.  Does this mean I feign the future and pour all my resources into the moment?  Of course not, I have every intention of being prepared for many more tomorrows.  Or perhaps does my zest for life mean I ignore the lessons of yesterday?  Absolutely not.  Every day has been a building block for today.  The lessons of the past must be burned into my sub-conscious lest I forget the lessons learned and repeat yesterday’s mistakes.

 

So what is the crisis then?  As I see it, at this point in my life I have come a long way.  I’m relatively young (hey, give me a break).  I’m vibrant, healthy and full of energy and life.  I have experienced at least a modicum of financial success.  With the kids grown and out of the house that translates into some play money, as well as free time to go along with it.  So the long and short is that I just don’t want to be responsible right now.  I want to play all the damn time!!  Have you ever felt that way?  I get up in the morning and just loathe the fact that I have to go to work.  I hate the thoughts of crapping away a beautiful summer day sitting behind a desk in a stuffy office when there are mountains to be climbed, and coast lines to be explored, and a beautiful wife to hang out with, and music to be played, and dancing to be done, and partying to be partied (?)!!  My spirit is free.  I want to run in the wilderness and feel the wind in my hair.  I want to hang out with friends and family and share the really important things: each other.  I want to laugh and love and share and give.  I want to live.

 

Damn, it’s only Monday!!

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